Honor
vs. Obey
Ephesians
6:1
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is
right.”
Colossians
3:20
“Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is
well pleasing unto the Lord.”
♥
Definition of child (children)
→ an unborn or recently born person
→ a young person especially between
infancy and youth
♥
Definition of obey
→ to follow the commands or guidance
of
→ to conform to or comply with
→ to listen, to harken to a command,
to submit to (Greek)
♥
These verses are specifically directed at
children. Ephesians 6:4 describes children as those that are being “brought
up” (“And ye fathers, provoke not your
children to wrath: but bring them up
in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”) and therefore cannot be
speaking about an adult.
♥
Obedience carries with it the idea of absolute submission resulting from
absolute trust. It has with it implications of completely falling under the
authority and jurisdiction of another person so that this individual is now responsible for you and the things that you
do.
♥
What else does the Bible have to say about obedience? Who are we, as adults, to
obey?
→ A blessing if we obey God’s commandments and a curse if we don’t
●Deuteronomy 11:26-28 “Behold
I set before you this day a blessing and a curse; a blessing if you obey the
commandments of the Lord your God, which I command you this day: and a curse,
if ye will not obey the commandments of the Lord your God, but turn aside out
of the way which I command you this day, to go after other gods, which ye have
not known.
→ Obey God’s voice
●Deuteronomy 13:4 “Ye shall walk after the Lord your God, and
fear Him, and keep His commandments, and obey His voice, and ye shall serve
Him, and cleave unto Him.”
●Deuteronomy 30:19-20 “I
call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before
you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou
and thy seed may live: That thou mayest love the Lord thy God, and that thou
mayest obey His voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto Him: for He is thy
life, and the length of thy day…”
●Jeremiah 7:23 “But this thing commanded I them, saying,
Obey my voice, and I will be your God, and ye shall be my people: and walk ye
in all the ways that I have commanded you, that it may be well unto you.”
→ If we obey God’s voice, we will be his treasure
●Exodus 19:5 “Now therefore, if ye will obey my voice
indeed, and keep my covenant, then ye shall be a peculiar treasure unto me
above all people: for all the earth is mine.”
→ We ought to obey God rather than man
●Acts 5:29 “Then Peter and the other apostles answered
and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.”
→ Obey truth
●Galatians 5:7 “Ye did run well; who did hinder you that ye
should not obey the truth?
●We are judged based on
truth: Romans 2:2 “But we are sure that the judgment of God is
according to truth against them which commit such things.” What is truth?
John 17:17 “Sanctify them through thy
truth: thy word is truth.”
→ The word of God
●To the point of not keeping
company with the man that doesn’t obey, except to admonish him in the ways of
the Lord. We are also told to withdraw ourselves from anyone who is a brother
(or sister) who walks disorderly.
●2 Thessalonians 3:6, 14-15 “Now we command you, brethren, in the name
of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that
walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us… And if
any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company
with him, that he may be ashamed. Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish
him as a brother.
→ Church leaders
●Hebrews 13:17 “Obey them that have the rule over you, and
submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give
account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is
unprofitable for you.”
♥ Ezekiel 18:4-5, 9-10, 13-20
“Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul
of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine: the soul that sinneth, it
shall die. But if a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right… Hath
walked in my statutes, and hath kept my judgments, to deal truly; he is just,
he shall surely live, saith the Lord God. If He beget a son that is a robber, a
shedder of blood, and that doeth the like to any one of these things… Hath
given forth upon usury, and hath taken increase: shall he then live? He shall
not live: he hath done all these abominations; he shall surely die; his blood
shall be upon him. Now, lo, if he beget a son, that seeth all his father’s sins
which he hath done, and considereth, and doeth not such like, that hath not
eaten upon the mountains, neither hath lifted up his eyes to the idols of the
house of Israel, hath not defiled his neighbors wife, nether hath oppressed
any, hath not witholden the pledge, neither hath spoiled by violence, but hath
given his bread to the hungry, and hath covered the naked with a garment, that
hath taken off his hand from the poor, that hath not received usury nor
increase, hath executed my judgements, hath walked in my statutes; he shall not
die for the iniquity of his father, he shall surely live. As for his father,
because he cruelly oppressed, spoiled his brother by violence, and did that
which is not good among his people, lo, even he shall die in his iniquity. Yet
say ye, why? Doth not the son bear the iniquity of the father? When the son
hath done that which is lawful and right, and hath kept all my statutes, and
hath done them, he shall surely live. The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The
son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear
the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him
and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him.”
→ This clearly shows that there comes a point where the son is no longer
to obey the father. Their actions are viewed separately. If a father tells
a son to commit sin, the son is not to obey that. If the son does follow in the ways of his father,
he is held responsible for his own actions. Since obedience implies that you
are under the jurisdiction of another, and they
are responsible for your actions, it is impossible that the command to obey
parents applies to adults.
→ Everyone will be judged and have to answer for their own actions
●2 Corinthians 5:10 “For we must all appear before the judgment
seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body,
according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.”
→ When do we become accountable for our own actions?
●Exodus 30:14 (38:26, Lev.
27:3) “Every one that passeth among them
that are numbered, from twenty years old
and above, shall give an offering unto the Lord.”
●Numbers 1:3 “From twenty
years old and upward, all that are able to go forth to war in Israel: thou
and Aaron shall number them by their armies.”
●Numbers 14:29 “Your carcases shall fall in the wilderness;
and all that were numbered of you, according to your whole number, from twenty years old and upward, which
have murmured against me…”
●Based on what I understand,
a Jew was counted as one year old when he was born, and became two years old
when he celebrated his first birthday, at the beginning of the thirteenth month
of life. Based on this information, on what we recognize as a 19th
birthday, would be when a man was counted as an adult and was responsible for
himself.
●Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and
his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
●Once the man has left all
others for his wife, his role towards his parents is now one of honor. He is no
longer held to the command of obeying his parents.
♥
Now, let’s look at honor.
Ephesians
6:2-3
“Honor thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment
with promise;) that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the
earth.
Exodus
20:12
“Honor thy father and thy mother; that thy days may be
long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.”
Leviticus
19:3
“Ye shall fear (reverence, honor, respect) every man his
mother, and his father, and keep my sabbaths: I am the Lord your God.”
Deuteronomy
5:16
“Honor thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God
hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well
with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.”
♥ Definition
of honor
→ showing esteem and respect to a
person of superior standing
→ evidence or symbol of distinction
→ to weigh or to make heavy (Hebrew)
♥ The word honor appears 146 times in 136
verses in the Bible.
♥ In scripture, honor is linked to humility,
kindness and grace.
→ Scriptures linking honor to humility:
●Proverbs 18:12 “Before destruction the heart of man is
haughty, and before honor is humility.”
●Proverbs 22:4 “By humility and the fear of the Lord are
riches and honor and life.”
●Proverbs 29:23 “A man’s pride shall bring him low: but
honor shall uphold the humble in spirit.”
●John 8:54 Jesus says “If I honor myself, my honor is nothing: it
is my Father that honors me.”
→
Scriptures linking honor to kindness:
● Proverbs 21:21”He that follows after righteousness and
mercy findeth life, righteousness and honor.”
→
Scriptures linking honor to grace:
● Proverbs 11:16 “A gracious woman retaineth honor: and
strong men retain riches.”
→ With humility, kindness and grace, we esteem our parents as people of
superior standing, taking their advice and counsel heavier than others.
♥ What does Jesus have to say about honoring
our parents?
→ Matthew 15:3-9 ”But he answered and said unto them, Why do
ye also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition? For God commanded,
saying, Honor thy father and mother: and, he that curseth father or mother, let
him die the death. But ye say, whosoever shall say to his father or his mother,
it is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; and honor not his
father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of
God of none effect by your tradition. Ye hypocrites, well did Isaiah prophesy
of you, saying, this people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoreth
me with their lips; but their heart is far from me. But in vain they do worship
me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.”
→ Jesus gives us a clear
example of what it means to honor our parents. In this section of scripture,
Jesus was talking to grown men in positions of spiritual leadership who had
found a loophole in the Jewish law which permitted them to discard their
responsibility to care for their aging parents. They took their savings and
basically put it into an account labeled “Dedicated to God.” Having done that,
they couldn’t access it to spend on their needy parents. Most likely, after the
parents were dead, the money would be transferred to a retirement account for
themselves.
→ Based on this, Jesus shows
us what it looks like to honor our parents. Honoring them means providing for
them in their old age, or when they are in need.
→ Matthew 10:34-38 “Think not that I am come to send peace on
earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at
variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the
daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man’s foes shall be they of
his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy
of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And
he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.”
→ The above passage makes it
very clear that once we become adults we are no longer to obey our parents.
Remember, obey is to completely submit to an authority over us and that
authority takes responsibility for our actions. At this point, Jesus is saying
that in following Him there will be times when we must choose Him and His ways
over the ways of our parents. It is what Jesus thinks about us that we are to
be more concerned about. If given the choice of who to obey, it always has to
be Jesus. While this may not result in a smooth, peaceful relationship with our
earthly parents, it’s very clear that Jesus realized that this mindset may
cause division and He never promises peace on this earth. Our goal is to become
more like Jesus, to be worthy of Him.
♥
Examples of who we are to honor and to whom honor is given
→ Old men
●Leviticus 19:32 “Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head,
and honor the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I am the Lord.”
→
The Lord with our firstfruits
●Proverbs 3:9 “Honor the Lord with thy substance, and with
the firstfruits of all thine increase.”
→
Honor to cease from strife
●Proverbs 20:3 “It is an honor for a man to cease from
strife: but every fool will be meddling.”
→ The person who follows righteousness and mercy
●Proverbs 21:21 “He that followeth after righteousness and
mercy findeth life, righteousness and honor.”
→
God the Father and Jesus the Son
●John 5:23 “That all men should honor the Son, even as
they honor the Father. He that honoreth not the Son honoreth not the Father
which hath sent Him.”
→
One another
●Romans 12:10 “Be kindly affectioned one to another with
brotherly love; in honor preferring one another.”
→
Honor to whom honor is due
●Romans 13:7 “Render therefore to all their dues: tribute
to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom
honor.”
→ Honor widows
●1
Timothy 5:3 “Honor widows, that are
widows indeed.”
→ All men
●1 Peter 2:17 “Honor all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear
God. Honor the king.”
→ Husbands are to give honor to their wives
●1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise ye husbands, dwell with them
according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel,
and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not
hindered.”
♥ Based
on these scriptures we are called to honor all men. If honor means to obey,
then we are in trouble. It is impossible to obey all men. Everyone has
different standards and requests to make. If we obey one, we most certainly
will have to disobey another.
♥ If
honor means to obey, then based on 1 Peter 3:7 men are called to obey their
wives. We know that this is not Biblical since the wife is called to submit to
her husband. (Submit is part of the definition of obey. Honor is not.)
♥ Honor comes from God
→ 1 Chronicles 29:11-12 “Thine, Oh Lord, is the greatness, and the
power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty: for all that is in the
heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, Oh Lord, and thou art
exalted as head above all. Both riches and honor
come of thee, and thou reignest over all; and in thine hand is power and might;
and in thine hand it is to make great, and to give strength unto all.”
♥ Examples of who God honors
→ Those who honor Him, He will honor
●1 Samuel 2:30 “Wherefore the Lord God of Israel saith, I
said indeed that thy house, and the house of thy father, should walk before me
forever: but now the Lord saith, Be it far from me; for them that honor me I
will honor, and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed.”
→
Those who call upon and love the Lord,
God will honor
●Psalm 91:14-15 “Because he hath set his love upon me,
therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my
name. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in
trouble; I will deliver him, and honor him.”
→
Anyone who serves and follows God will
be honored
●John 12:26 “If any man serve me, let him follow me; and
where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my father
honor.”
♥
The Bible also talks about who we are not to honor, a fool
→ Proverbs 26:1 “As snow in
summer, and as rain in harvest, so honor is not seemly for a fool.”
→ Proverbs 26:8 “As he that
bindeth a stone in a sling, so is he that giveth honor to a fool.”
→ We are called to give
honor to whom honor is given, but we are not to give honor to a fool, even if
that person is a parent. We honor our parents as the ones who gave us life and
who dedicated a quarter of their life to nurturing us, but we shouldn’t lie and
cheapen honor by being blind. For example, a grown woman who honors a father
who molested her and has never repented and sought restitution, that woman is
binding a stone in a sling and flinging it with a certainty of it returning and
hitting her in the head.
♥
Who is a fool?
→ The person who says there is no God
●Psalm 14:1 “The fool hath said in his heart, There is
no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that
doeth good.”
●Psalm 53:1 “The fool hath said in his heart, there is
no God. Corrupt are they, and have done abominable iniquity: there is none that
doeth good.”
→ The man who hides hatred by lies and speaks slander
●Proverbs 10:18 “He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and
he that uttereth a slander is a fool.”
→ The man who does not desire understanding and does not receive Biblical
counsel
●Proverbs 12:15 “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes:
but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.”
●Proverbs 18:2 “A fool hath no delight in understanding,
but that his heart may discover itself.”
●Proverbs 23:9 “Speak not in the ears of a fool, for he
will despise the wisdom of thy words.”
→ One who is perverse with his lips
●Proverbs 19:1 “Better is the poor that walketh in his
integrity, than he that is perverse in his lips, and is a fool.”
●Perverse means turned away
from what is right and good, corrupt, obstinate in opposing what is right,
reasonable or accepted, twisted, distorted, crooked
→ One who meddles
●Proverbs 20:3 “It is an honor for a man to cease from
strife: but every fool will be meddling.”
●To meddle means to interest
oneself in what is not one’s concern: to interfere without right or propriety.
→ The man who trusts in his own heart
●Proverbs 28:26 “He that trusteth in his own heart is a
fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered.”
♥
What if our parents have played the part of the fool?
→ We must forgive them
●Mark 11:25-26 “And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye
have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive
you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which
is in heaven forgive your trespasses.”
●Ephesians 4:31-31 “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger,
and clamour and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye
kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for
Christ’s sake has forgiven you.”
●Colossians 3:12-13 “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy
and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness,
longsuffering; forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man
have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”
→ But forgiveness on our end does not always mean restoration of a
relationship.
●“Yes, we need to
forgive. But forgiveness does not equal instant restoration. I can stay healthy
in a situation by remembering that forgiveness doesn’t mean giving the other
person the kind of access in my life that sets me up for destructive patterns.
I need to be loving, but I also need to be wise.” –Lysa TerKeurst
●Luke 23:34 “Then said Jesus, Father forgive them; for
they know not what they do. And they parted His raiment, and cast lots.”
●To me, the above verse is
the perfect example. From the cross, Jesus forgave the men who had him killed
and asked His Father to forgive them as well. Although Jesus forgave them, that
does not mean that every one of them turned from what they were doing and
became reconciled to God. They continued on in parting his garments and
gambling over who would keep them. Though some of them may have had a change of
heart about Jesus later on in their life, at this point that Jesus forgives
them, He is not reconciled to them nor are they reconciled to the Father.
♥ To
sum it all up…
→ Mothers: Our children are
a gift to us from God, but they do not fully belong to us. It is our
responsibility to train up our children in the ways of the Lord, so that when
they are old they will not depart from Him. Once they are adults, we give them
back to the Lord. He becomes their Father and accountability. Their
responsibility is to Him. If we have done our job well, we should not have to
constantly be a meddling mother or an interfering mother. If you are a mother
who meddles or interferes, I beg you, please stop! I know it must be hard to
let go, but you are doing more harm than good to your relationship with your
adult child.
→ Daughters: If you are in a
manipulative relationship with a parent, please do something about it! This can
cause problems in your marriage and problems within your own family that God
has given to you! As an adult, you are no longer to obey your parents. Listen
to their counsel with an open heart? Yes! Heavily consider their advice? Yes!
But there should not be a fear of making your own decisions. You need to be
seeking the Lord and His will for your life, not the will of your parents. In
the end, you answer to God and no one else for your actions as an adult.
→ “God relates to us in
terms of the family unit. It is not by accident that God calls Himself Father
and Christ His son. It was the plan and purpose of God from creation to
establish the family unit. It is through the lens of family that God chooses to
reveal His character to us. As a Father, He protects, He guides, He chastens,
He provides, He nurtures, He admonishes, and He loves unconditionally. We are
forever His daughters, joint-heirs with His son. Understanding our role as
children in our earthly family enables us to better understand our role in our
heavenly family.
As adult children, there is
a dividing line on what God expects us to do. As grown women no longer under
our parent’s authority, we don’t necessarily have to do everything they tell
us. We do, however, always, have to
honor them.”
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