But the Fruit of the Spirit Is... Gentleness and Goodness

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance..." Galatians 5:22-23

Gentleness- a mild or kind nature or character; not severe, rough or violent; moral goodness, integrity, kindness 

Let's be honest... We all knew I was going to be looking up the definitions, right? I decided to start with the definition of gentleness and move on from there. I truly believe that gentleness is one of those character traits that you simply cannot achieve apart from Jesus. 

The Greek word for gentleness used in this verse is the same Greek word used in the New Testament many times to mean good or goodness as well as kindness. If you have any scripture knowledge, then you are probably familiar with what Romans 3:10-12 says and that is this, "As it is written, there is none righteous, no, not one: There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one." These verses are speaking of man apart from God. In and of ourselves dwells no good thing! But, and praise God there is a but here, the chapter goes on to say in verses 23-26, "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; being justified freely by HIS grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation (an appeasement) through faith in His blood, to declare His righteousness for the remission (forgiveness) of sins that are past, through the forbearance (patient endurance) of God; To declare, I say, at this time His righteousness: that He might be just, and the justifier of Him which believeth in Jesus." Only in and through Jesus blood and forgiveness of our sins are we made good.

In Colossians 3:12 we read that this gentleness, or kindness, is something that we put on. "Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing (endure/tolerate) one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye." In telling us to put on kindness it implies that it is not something that comes naturally. To put on literally means to sink into (clothing), to clothe oneself. 

What does gentleness look like in our day to day life? I'm glad you asked! The ultimate example of this gentle kindness is what has been first shown to us. Ephesians 2:7-9, "That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus. For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast." The greatest kindness that we have been shown is God's grace, in that He forgives our sins not based on any of our own merit and offers us eternal salvation. 

One of the greatest ways that we can show gentleness to those around us is by being gracious and forgiving. To be gracious to someone means that we are pleasantly kind, benevolent and courteous. In Proverbs 11:16 we are told that "A gracious woman retains honor..." and "The words of a wise man's mouth are gracious..." Ecclesiastes 10:12.

To forgive someone means not just to grant pardon to a person, but also to cease to feel resentment against them. Believe me, I know how hard it can be to forgive someone, especially someone who isn't sorry and who seems to be unforgivable. But also believe this: It is NECESSARY and VITAL that we do it anyways! Many times it comes down to forgiving simply for the well being of our own hearts. Many times the object of our forgiveness doesn't even realize the extent of our resentment towards them. Unforgiveness is a poison that only eats away at and destroys our own hearts. The Bible shows us time and time again how big of a part forgiveness plays in the Christian walk. 

"For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: but if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:14-15

"And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses." Mark 11:25-26

"Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him: and if he repent, thou shalt forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him." Luke 17:3-4

The thing that really stands out to me in the above three verses is that they give you three different settings. The first verses are simply a call to forgive. Forgive anytime, anywhere, anything, anyone. This is so that God can forgive us. The second verse is a call to forgive in your quiet time with God. This is forgiving someone without that person even having any knowledge of what is happening. This is forgiveness necessary to purify your heart before God. The third verse is a call to forgive when the person who has wronged you is present and repentant over their actions and specifically asks you to forgive them. Even if they ask many times in a day, our response is to be the same; forgive. Based on these verse we can see that our forgiveness of others is not solely based on their merits but on the fact that as we have been forgiven, so we are to forgive.

So, what is gentleness? Gentleness is kindness. Gentleness is graciousness. Gentleness is forgiveness. Gentleness is tolerance. Gentleness is soft spoken words of encouragement. Gentleness is honesty. Gentleness is peaceful. Gentleness is merciful. Gentleness is meekness. Gentleness is courteous. Gentleness is soothing. Gentleness is self sacrificing. 

Gentleness is Christ in me.

But The Fruit Of The Spirit Is... Longsuffering

"But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance; against such there is no law."

Longsuffering... aka patience. Other words used to define this word longsuffering include endurance, constancy, steadfastness and perseverance. According to the dictionary, to be longsuffering means to endure pain, unhappiness, trouble or provocation without complaint. Because I love looking at definitions so much, I also want to look up the definitions of the other words used to describe longsuffering and see what kind of picture they paint.

Patience- tolerance and even-tempered perseverance; the capacity for calmly enduring pain, trying situations, etc.

Endurance- the ability or strength to continue or last, especially despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions; stamina; something endured as a hardship or trial

Constancy- the quality of being unchanging or unwavering, as in purpose, love or loyalty; firmness of mind; faithfulness

Steadfastness- fixed in intensity or direction; unwavering or determined in purpose, loyalty, etc. sure, dependable, reliable, constant

Perseverance- steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc. especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles or discouragement

"Patience is a virtue." How many times have I heard this quote over the years? How often have I simply thought of patience as not getting irritated in rush hour traffic? Or not getting frustrated with the slower pace of an older person hogging the entire aisle at the grocery store? Or a toddlers many repeated questions? Or not giving up too quickly when trying to learn something new? After reading the above definitions I am shocked to see the depth of what it really, truly means to be longsuffering. It's so much more than quietly and calmly handling a 5 minute inconvenience. 

I think what really stood out to me is that longsuffering means to endure hardship and trials, that may continue on and on, despite stress and fatigue, with steady persistance while remaining calm, loving, loyal and faithful, even towards that person or thing causing the trial or pain. Without complaining.

I think that it is safe to say that most of the situations we encounter that require longsuffering are relational in some way. Let's face it, people can be irritating! Everyone rationalizes and processes things differently, so what may be incredibly irritating to you, may just be the way of life for another and vice versa. I truly believe that there are people in our lives that God has placed there simply to teach us how to be longsuffering. That person who just never seems to see eye to eye with you and loves to argue with you on any given subject. The person that you are convinced is only out to make your life miserable. The person who takes and takes and never gives. The person who makes you feel as though you are never good enough.  As I've heard it said in the past, don't pray for patience unless you are ready for God to put you directly in the middle of situations that require patience. It is a learned trait. 

"...we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience (tried character), and experience, hope (expectation of good)..." Romans 5:3-4

The only way that we can increase our patience is by exercising it, persevering in it. That is accomplished in tribulation, or rather oppression, affliction and distress. Doesn't sound like a fun time, does it? But look at the above verse from Romans. The great thing about growing through tribulation is that it results in a tried character, it makes us stronger. We read in Proverbs 22:1 that "A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor rather than silver and gold." Also, Ecclesiastes 7:1 says, "A good name is better than precious ointment..." The name that we are known by is based on our character. Our actions, our response to trying situations, our demeanor speaks volumes as to the person that we truly are. People can talk and talk and say all of the right things, but it comes down to what they DO. Our actions always speak louder than our words. I  want to be known as someone who backs up my words by my actions. Words in and of themself can be so meaningless and can be the cause of bad reputation. Our actions have the power to make a good name for ourselves, or a very poor name. In a funny sort of way though, it's those people who do not follow through on what they say that are the ones teaching us to be longsuffering, right?!

Once we have experience, a tried character, we will have hope, an expectation of good. I believe that as we learn to be longsuffering, we will be able to abide in the hope that the trial we are going through, or the person who is "trying" us, will eventually work out for the best. Even if the best is simply our own personal growth in being longsuffering! That's kind of what this is all about, right? But also, sometimes in practicing patience with another person, you may end up winning them to Christ or if they are already a fellow believer, given time you may allow them to see the error of their behavior and ways and then they will thank you for not giving up on them, no matter how poorly they may have treated you. You begin to have hope that that person is capable of producing good.

As a side note though, I will say that sometimes there are just truly toxic people, who are not the kind of influences or role models that you want involved in your life. It is important to be able to recognize those people, pray for them, love them from a distance, but don't sacrifice the well being of your family or compromise your beliefs in an attempt to help those or reach out to those who have no desire to be helped or who see no reason to change. Make your peace with them, but if they are unreceptive, "shake the dust off of your feet." (Matthew 10:14) A couple of verses that you can read in regards to avoiding the company of "Christians" who cause divisions or walk disorderly are Romans 16:17-18 and 2 Thessalonians 3:6. If you have someone like this in your life, really take the time to pray and see how God would have you approach that relationship.

It is my prayer for anyone reading this post that you would be encouraged to continue on in your trials and struggles and allow the Lord to grow your character through the testing of your patience. I desire to continue to grow in the character of being lonsuffering, and while it's scary to say that, I pray that as the trials come, my actions would define me as calm, loving, loyal, caring and patient. This can only be done through much prayer and reliance on God.

"For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; Strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness." 

Colossians 1:9-11

But The Fruit Of The Spirit Is... Peace

Peace... I'm such a mom. The first thing that pops into my mind as I think about the word peace is, "I've got the peace that passes understanding down in my heart... Where? Down in my heart, where? Down in my heart!" Maybe it's because this is Leilani's song of choice at the moment, or maybe it's just so ingrained in my mind from when I was young. Either way, it's easy to sing, but when you think about it, really hard to understand! Perhaps that's why it's a peace that passes understanding?

I don't know that I've ever really taken the time to think about peace. Of course it's something that I am always longing for... Peace and quiet, peace in relationships, peace in the world so that I don't have to be terrified of raising children in it... Peace, peace, peace. But, seriously, what is peace?

The word peace used in our text in Galatians comes from the Greek word eirene and has multiple definitions that I will list out for you.

1. a state of national tranquility

a. exemption from the rage and havoc of war

2. Peace between individuals, i.e. harmony, concord

3. security, safety, prosperity, felicity (because peace and harmony make and keep things safe and prosperous)

4. of the Messiah's peace 

a. the way that leads to peace (salvation)

5. of Christianity, the tranquil state of a soul assured of it's salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and content with it's earthly lot, of whatsoever sort that is

6. the blessed state of devout and upright men after death

I believe that the definition most applicable to this portion of scripture would be #5, since we are talking specifically about a Christians character as opposed to national unease or relational wars. Let me restate the definition again, because I think it sums it up perfectly. Peace is the tranquil state of a soul assured of it's salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and content with it's earthly lot, of whatsoever sort that is. To me, this sounds like contentment! So, does contentment aid in our ability to exude peace?

Hmm... well, in order to answer my previous question, what is contentment? Contentment is satisfaction and ease of mind. It is being mentally or emotionally satisfied with things as they are. To be content is to assent to or will to accept circumstances, a proposed course of action, etc. I don't know about you, but I definitely find it hard to be at peace when I am discontent about something. 

In this culture of "self entitlement" that we live in, we are quick to think that we are owed something, or that life isn't fair if we don't have as many material "things" as the next person. If you start thinking about being discontent with one thing, a whole list of things will quickly compile... "If I only had more money..." or "If only my husband were as romantic as her husband..." or "If only my house were located in this very specific location and was at least this big..." or "If only my kids were as well behaved as their kids..." or "If only I looked as good in my skinny jeans as her..." 

How can anyone be at peace when there is a war raging within themselves? Easy... They can't! In 1 Timothy 6, Paul is writing to Timothy regarding false teachers who were of corrupt minds, who were of the mindset that gain is godliness, basically, the more you have materially, the more God likes you because if God didn't "like" you then you wouldn't have all of these "things." This couldn't be further from the truth! Paul warned Timothy that from people like this, withdraw yourself! Paul then goes on to say, 

"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. But thou, oh man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness..." 1 Timothy 6:6-11

Nothing like a heavenly mindset to wake us up! Not a single day of our life is guaranteed. Not a single material thing we come to possess on this earth has eternal value. Why do we allow our peace and contentment to be robbed from us over such temporary insignificancies? (I might add though, that if you are blessed financially or materially, this is not a sin! Be thankful and give God praise for what you have and honor Him with what He has given!)

If we are to show forth the peace of God's Spirit in our lives, then we need to take every thought captive. We need to redirect our focus. When everyone and everything around us is so unsatisfied and materialistic we need to remind ourselves, yet again, who we belong to and where our true home is. We need to cultivate hearts of thankfulness for the many, many things that we do have and take for granted on a daily basis: a roof over our head, wherever that may be, food for at least 3 meals per day with some left over, clothing to cover ourselves, brand name or not, and even fresh water to drink. These are all delicacies that someone else may be wishing "If only I had..." 

As you bring forth peace in your life, you will become a peacemaker, seeking to reconcile the brokenness around you. "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God." Matthew 5:9 The more you can be content in whatever state you are in, with whatever you may have, the more your mind and soul will be able to rest, and truly feel peace. 

Here are a couple more scriptures to read and ponder in regards to the peace that comes from God.

John 16:33 "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

Romans 8:6 "For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace."

Romans 14:19 "Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another."

Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Colossians 3:15 "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful."

James 3:18 "And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace."

And finally, 2 Thessalonians 3:16 "Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means. The Lord be with you all."

But The Fruit Of The Spirit Is... Joy

I have felt it placed upon my heart to do a little mini devotional series that goes through the fruits of the Spirit. Since the entirety of all of the fruits can be summed up in the first one listed, which is love, I want to save that one for last. Today I want to start by looking at what it means to have joy.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance; against such there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23

What is joy? For some, it is that feeling of elation that you feel Christmas morning as you gather around a tree full of gifts. For some, it is found in the new life of a child. To others, joy is simply being able to pay the bills for another month. Joy may be found in a sunny day or spending time with the ones you love. These are all so temporary though! What happens when the gifts have all been opened, the baby grows to be a toddler, or better yet, a teenager, or the sun turns to rain? As a characteristic that we are to exhibit on a regular basis, no matter what our circumstances, what is joy? 

According to the dictionary, joy is an emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation. One of the synonyms listed for joy is literally warm fuzzies. Just the thought of that brings a smile to my face. Who doesn't like the warm fuzzies?! (For anyone who may not know what the warm fuzzies are, they are a real thing! They are described as feelings of happiness, contentment, or sentimentality.)

In the original Greek text that this verse was written in, the word joy simply means gladness. This joy is the same joy that is referenced when the wise men saw the star in the sky announcing the birth of our great King, Jesus. This is also the same joy that all of heaven feels at the salvation of a single soul. 

Based on the definitions of joy, it appears that joy is a result of something good happening to us, but joy is listed as a "fruit" that we are to always exhibit, not only when we are feeling good, but also in times of difficulty or trial. In James 1:2 we are told to "Count it all joy when you fall into divers (various sorts of) temptations..." How can one do that? Temptations or hardship or struggles are not what I think of as a source of joy. 

There is one way to have and maintain this Biblical joy at all times. That is to know who you are and who you belong to. As a Christian, we are children of the Most High God, children of the King of Kings. Our joy is only found and maintained when we are in fellowship with our Abba, Father. Our biggest blessing that no one and nothing can steal away from us is the gift of our salvation and through that salvation, full time access to the Father. If we are to bear much fruit, the fruits of the Spirit, the Spirit of the Lord, then we need to know the Spirit we seek to mimic. How do we get to know that Spirit? In the same way we get to know anyone else. By spending time with Him. By conversing with Him. By trusting Him. By reading His word. By being in constant fellowship with Him. The fact that we have this salvation and this access to God is enough to have joy  for the rest of our days!

1 John 1:1-4 "That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, of the Word of life; (For the life was manifested, and we have seen it, and bear witness, and shew unto you, that eternal life, which was with the Father, and was manifested unto us;) That which we have seen and heard declare we unto you, that ye also may have fellowship with us: and truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ. And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full." 

Our joy is also maintained by cultivating a heart of constant worship. You cannot help but have the joy of the Lord when your heart is focused on Him more than any other temporary circumstance that may be occurring in your life.

Luke 24:52-53 "And they worshiped Him, and returned to Jerusalem with great joy: And were continually in the temple, praising and blessing God. Amen."

If you feel like you are lacking joy today, and you know who you belong to, start worshiping! Start praising God! Although at times it may not seem like it, the current struggles of this world that may be dragging you down and robbing you of your joy are temporary. Don't allow the enemy to use temporary afflictions to rob you of eternal joys. Thank God that He is using those "afflictions" to build you up into a stronger, more joyful person than you have ever been before. Don't miss God in the bad times. Look to Him! 

I have heard joy defined with the acronym "Jesus, Others, You." When you take the focus off of yourself and place it first on Jesus, and second on others, you have no time leftover to dwell on your circumstances. There is joy in serving others. 

Galatians 5:13 "... but by love, serve one another." 

Be a source of joy to others around you. Your joy is contagious. When you know who's you are and where you are headed for all of eternity, you will send out the fruit of joy in your life. It will be second nature. Shine that light of joy! It's contagious for yourself too. The more joyful you are, the more joyful you want to continue to be! 

Be Still My Soul

Psalm 42:11

"Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise Him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God."

This verse continues to play over and over in my mind today as I sit and type. Many of my close friends and family are struggling. Struggling with health. Struggling with finances. Struggling with emotions. Struggling with relationships. Struggling with self worth. Struggling with the weight of this world. Sometimes just hearing about all of the struggling causes me to struggle, and the struggling goes on and on and on. Why do we allow the temporary struggles of this world to get us down? Why do we allow them to steal our joy? How can we fix our eyes on the things that really matter? WHAT are the things that really matter? In a world that is crumbling beneath us, where do we find hope?

Why do we allow the struggles of this world to get us down? Because we are human. We tend to get so caught up in the here and now and we forget the future and eternity. Also, because we have an enemy. Not just a person who rubs us the wrong way and so we avoid them at all costs enemy, but a real enemy, an enemy who is constantly on the prowl looking for ways to devour us. Looking for ways to rob us of our joy.

1 Peter 5:8

"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour."

That word devour is a STRONG word! The devil not only wants us to struggle, he wants us completely devoured. This use of the word devour means to swallow up and destroy, to consume destructively, recklessly, or wantonly. 

When we feel ourselves beginning to allow our enemy to succeed in devouring us, robbing us of our joy and peace, what should we do? Hope in God. He is the health of my countenance, MY God! Bring to mind scriptures, such as: 

2 Corinthians 4:17 

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal." 

or

Romans 8:28

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."

We need to remember where our hope is found. We need to focus and meditate on where our hope lies.  I love the words from the following hymn speaking of where our hope is found.

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness.

I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus name.

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand

All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness veils His lovely face, I rest on His unchanging grace.

In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand

All other ground is sinking sand.

His oath, His covenant, His blood, supports me in the whelming flood

When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand

All other ground is sinking sand

When He shall come with trumpet sound, Oh may I then in Him be found.

Dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand

All other ground is sinking sand.

What is hope? Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. Hope in God. Nothing else in this world is sure. Hope in things that matter for eternity, not temporarily. What is joy? Joy is the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure and elation. Our joy comes from knowing who we belong to and where we are going when this life is over. 

1 Peter 1:3-9

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to His abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations (trials): That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ; Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see Him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls."

There are many trails here that I can go down, but for now, be encouraged, be exhorted and walk in the hope and joy that is yours as a child of the King! My prayer for everyone who reads this and is struggling with something, whatever that something may be, is this: 

"Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost." (Romans 15:13)

Amen.

Honor vs. Obey

This past weekend I was blessed with the opportunity to share on a topic with the women at our church that seems to be something many people struggle with. The difference between what it means to honer vs obey. I wanted to post my notes here so that I can look back on them and also hopefully bless others with what I have learned. Be blessed!

Honor vs. Obey

Ephesians 6:1

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.”

Colossians 3:20

“Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.”

♥ Definition of child (children)

            → an unborn or recently born person

            → a young person especially between infancy and youth

♥ Definition of obey

            → to follow the commands or guidance of

            → to conform to or comply with

            → to listen, to harken to a command, to submit to (Greek)

♥ These verses are specifically directed at children. Ephesians 6:4 describes children as those that are being “brought up” (“And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”) and therefore cannot be speaking about an adult.

♥ Obedience carries with it the idea of absolute submission resulting from absolute trust. It has with it implications of completely falling under the authority and jurisdiction of another person so that this individual is now responsible for you and the things that you do.

♥ What else does the Bible have to say about obedience? Who are we, as adults, to obey?

→ A blessing if we obey God’s commandments and a curse if we don’t

●Deuteronomy 11:26-28 “Behold I set before you this day a blessing and a curse; a blessing if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God, which I command you this day: and a curse, if ye will not obey the commandments of the Lord your God, but turn aside out of the way which I command you this day, to go after other gods, which ye have not known.

→ Obey God’s voice

●Deuteronomy 13:4 “Ye shall walk after the Lord your God, and fear Him, and keep His commandments, and obey His voice, and ye shall serve Him, and cleave unto Him.”

●Deuteronomy 30:19-20 “I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live: That thou mayest love the Lord thy God, and that thou mayest obey His voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto Him: for He is thy life, and the length of thy day…”

●Jeremiah 7:23 “But this thing commanded I them, saying, Obey my voice, and I will be your God, and ye shall be my people: and walk ye in all the ways that I have commanded you, that it may be well unto you.”

→ If we obey God’s voice, we will be his treasure

●Exodus 19:5 “Now therefore, if ye will obey my voice indeed, and keep my covenant, then ye shall be a peculiar treasure unto me above all people: for all the earth is mine.”

→ We ought to obey God rather than man

●Acts 5:29 “Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.”

→ Obey truth

●Galatians 5:7 “Ye did run well; who did hinder you that ye should not obey the truth?

●We are judged based on truth: Romans 2:2 “But we are sure that the judgment of God is according to truth against them which commit such things.” What is truth? John 17:17 “Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.”

→ The word of God

●To the point of not keeping company with the man that doesn’t obey, except to admonish him in the ways of the Lord. We are also told to withdraw ourselves from anyone who is a brother (or sister) who walks disorderly.

●2 Thessalonians 3:6, 14-15 “Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us… And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed. Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.

→ Church leaders

●Hebrews 13:17 “Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.”

♥ Ezekiel 18:4-5, 9-10, 13-20

“Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine: the soul that sinneth, it shall die. But if a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right… Hath walked in my statutes, and hath kept my judgments, to deal truly; he is just, he shall surely live, saith the Lord God. If He beget a son that is a robber, a shedder of blood, and that doeth the like to any one of these things… Hath given forth upon usury, and hath taken increase: shall he then live? He shall not live: he hath done all these abominations; he shall surely die; his blood shall be upon him. Now, lo, if he beget a son, that seeth all his father’s sins which he hath done, and considereth, and doeth not such like, that hath not eaten upon the mountains, neither hath lifted up his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel, hath not defiled his neighbors wife, nether hath oppressed any, hath not witholden the pledge, neither hath spoiled by violence, but hath given his bread to the hungry, and hath covered the naked with a garment, that hath taken off his hand from the poor, that hath not received usury nor increase, hath executed my judgements, hath walked in my statutes; he shall not die for the iniquity of his father, he shall surely live. As for his father, because he cruelly oppressed, spoiled his brother by violence, and did that which is not good among his people, lo, even he shall die in his iniquity. Yet say ye, why? Doth not the son bear the iniquity of the father? When the son hath done that which is lawful and right, and hath kept all my statutes, and hath done them, he shall surely live. The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him.”

           

→ This clearly shows that there comes a point where the son is no longer to obey the father. Their actions are viewed separately. If a father tells a son to commit sin, the son is not to obey that. If the son does follow in the ways of his father, he is held responsible for his own actions. Since obedience implies that you are under the jurisdiction of another, and they are responsible for your actions, it is impossible that the command to obey parents applies to adults.

→ Everyone will be judged and have to answer for their own actions

●2 Corinthians 5:10 “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.”

           

            → When do we become accountable for our own actions?

●Exodus 30:14 (38:26, Lev. 27:3) “Every one that passeth among them that are numbered, from twenty years old and above, shall give an offering unto the Lord.”

●Numbers 1:3 “From twenty years old and upward, all that are able to go forth to war in Israel: thou and Aaron shall number them by their armies.”

●Numbers 14:29 “Your carcases shall fall in the wilderness; and all that were numbered of you, according to your whole number, from twenty years old and upward, which have murmured against me…”

●Based on what I understand, a Jew was counted as one year old when he was born, and became two years old when he celebrated his first birthday, at the beginning of the thirteenth month of life. Based on this information, on what we recognize as a 19^th birthday, would be when a man was counted as an adult and was responsible for himself.

●Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

●Once the man has left all others for his wife, his role towards his parents is now one of honor. He is no longer held to the command of obeying his parents.

♥ Now, let’s look at honor.

Ephesians 6:2-3

“Honor thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.

Exodus 20:12

“Honor thy father and thy mother; that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.”

Leviticus 19:3

“Ye shall fear (reverence, honor, respect) every man his mother, and his father, and keep my sabbaths: I am the Lord your God.”

Deuteronomy 5:16

“Honor thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.”

 ♥ Definition of honor

            → showing esteem and respect to a person of superior standing

            → evidence or symbol of distinction

            → to weigh or to make heavy (Hebrew)

♥ The word honor appears 146 times in 136 verses in the Bible.

♥ In scripture, honor is linked to humility, kindness and grace.

            → Scriptures linking honor to humility:

●Proverbs 18:12 “Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, and before honor is humility.”

●Proverbs 22:4 “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.”

●Proverbs 29:23 “A man’s pride shall bring him low: but honor shall uphold the humble in spirit.”

●John 8:54 Jesus says “If I honor myself, my honor is nothing: it is my Father that honors me.”

           

→ Scriptures linking honor to kindness:

● Proverbs 21:21”He that follows after righteousness and mercy findeth life, righteousness and honor.”

           

→ Scriptures linking honor to grace:

● Proverbs 11:16 “A gracious woman retaineth honor: and strong men retain riches.”

→ With humility, kindness and grace, we esteem our parents as people of superior standing, taking their advice and counsel heavier than others.

♥ What does Jesus have to say about honoring our parents?

→ Matthew 15:3-9 ”But he answered and said unto them, Why do ye also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition? For God commanded, saying, Honor thy father and mother: and, he that curseth father or mother, let him die the death. But ye say, whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, it is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; and honor not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition. Ye hypocrites, well did Isaiah prophesy of you, saying, this people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoreth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me. But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.”

→ Jesus gives us a clear example of what it means to honor our parents. In this section of scripture, Jesus was talking to grown men in positions of spiritual leadership who had found a loophole in the Jewish law which permitted them to discard their responsibility to care for their aging parents. They took their savings and basically put it into an account labeled “Dedicated to God.” Having done that, they couldn’t access it to spend on their needy parents. Most likely, after the parents were dead, the money would be transferred to a retirement account for themselves.

→ Based on this, Jesus shows us what it looks like to honor our parents. Honoring them means providing for them in their old age, or when they are in need.

→ Matthew 10:34-38 “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.”

→ The above passage makes it very clear that once we become adults we are no longer to obey our parents. Remember, obey is to completely submit to an authority over us and that authority takes responsibility for our actions. At this point, Jesus is saying that in following Him there will be times when we must choose Him and His ways over the ways of our parents. It is what Jesus thinks about us that we are to be more concerned about. If given the choice of who to obey, it always has to be Jesus. While this may not result in a smooth, peaceful relationship with our earthly parents, it’s very clear that Jesus realized that this mindset may cause division and He never promises peace on this earth. Our goal is to become more like Jesus, to be worthy of Him.

♥ Examples of who we are to honor and to whom honor is given

            → Old men

●Leviticus 19:32 “Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honor the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I am the Lord.”    

           

→ The Lord with our firstfruits

●Proverbs 3:9 “Honor the Lord with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase.”

           

→ Honor to cease from strife

●Proverbs 20:3 “It is an honor for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling.”

            → The person who follows righteousness and mercy

●Proverbs 21:21 “He that followeth after righteousness and mercy findeth life, righteousness and honor.”

           

→ God the Father and Jesus the Son

●John 5:23 “That all men should honor the Son, even as they honor the Father. He that honoreth not the Son honoreth not the Father which hath sent Him.”

           

→ One another

●Romans 12:10 “Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another.”

           

→ Honor to whom honor is due

●Romans 13:7 “Render therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor.”

            → Honor widows

●1 Timothy 5:3 “Honor widows, that are widows indeed.”

            → All men

●1 Peter 2:17 “Honor all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.”

            → Husbands are to give honor to their wives

●1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

♥ Based on these scriptures we are called to honor all men. If honor means to obey, then we are in trouble. It is impossible to obey all men. Everyone has different standards and requests to make. If we obey one, we most certainly will have to disobey another.

♥ If honor means to obey, then based on 1 Peter 3:7 men are called to obey their wives. We know that this is not Biblical since the wife is called to submit to her husband. (Submit is part of the definition of obey. Honor is not.)

♥ Honor comes from God

→ 1 Chronicles 29:11-12 “Thine, Oh Lord, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty: for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, Oh Lord, and thou art exalted as head above all. Both riches and honor come of thee, and thou reignest over all; and in thine hand is power and might; and in thine hand it is to make great, and to give strength unto all.”

♥ Examples of who God honors

            → Those who honor Him, He will honor

●1 Samuel 2:30 “Wherefore the Lord God of Israel saith, I said indeed that thy house, and the house of thy father, should walk before me forever: but now the Lord saith, Be it far from me; for them that honor me I will honor, and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed.”

→ Those who call upon and love the Lord, God will honor

●Psalm 91:14-15 “Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honor him.”

→ Anyone who serves and follows God will be honored

●John 12:26 “If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my father honor.”

♥ The Bible also talks about who we are not to honor, a fool

→ Proverbs 26:1 “As snow in summer, and as rain in harvest, so honor is not seemly for a fool.”

→ Proverbs 26:8 “As he that bindeth a stone in a sling, so is he that giveth honor to a fool.”

→ We are called to give honor to whom honor is given, but we are not to give honor to a fool, even if that person is a parent. We honor our parents as the ones who gave us life and who dedicated a quarter of their life to nurturing us, but we shouldn’t lie and cheapen honor by being blind. For example, a grown woman who honors a father who molested her and has never repented and sought restitution, that woman is binding a stone in a sling and flinging it with a certainty of it returning and hitting her in the head. 

♥ Who is a fool?

            → The person who says there is no God

●Psalm 14:1 “The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.”

●Psalm 53:1 “The fool hath said in his heart, there is no God. Corrupt are they, and have done abominable iniquity: there is none that doeth good.”

            → The man who hides hatred by lies and speaks slander

●Proverbs 10:18 “He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander is a fool.”

→ The man who does not desire understanding and does not receive Biblical counsel

●Proverbs 12:15 “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.”

●Proverbs 18:2 “A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself.”

●Proverbs 23:9 “Speak not in the ears of a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of thy words.”

→ One who is perverse with his lips

●Proverbs 19:1 “Better is the poor that walketh in his integrity, than he that is perverse in his lips, and is a fool.”

●Perverse means turned away from what is right and good, corrupt, obstinate in opposing what is right, reasonable or accepted, twisted, distorted, crooked

→ One who meddles

●Proverbs 20:3 “It is an honor for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling.”

●To meddle means to interest oneself in what is not one’s concern: to interfere without right or propriety.

→ The man who trusts in his own heart

●Proverbs 28:26 “He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered.”

♥ What if our parents have played the part of the fool?

            → We must forgive them

●Mark 11:25-26 “And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.”

●Ephesians 4:31-31 “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.”

●Colossians 3:12-13 “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”

→ But forgiveness on our end does not always mean restoration of a relationship.

●“Yes, we need to forgive. But forgiveness does not equal instant restoration. I can stay healthy in a situation by remembering that forgiveness doesn’t mean giving the other person the kind of access in my life that sets me up for destructive patterns. I need to be loving, but I also need to be wise.” –Lysa TerKeurst

●Luke 23:34 “Then said Jesus, Father forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted His raiment, and cast lots.”

●To me, the above verse is the perfect example. From the cross, Jesus forgave the men who had him killed and asked His Father to forgive them as well. Although Jesus forgave them, that does not mean that every one of them turned from what they were doing and became reconciled to God. They continued on in parting his garments and gambling over who would keep them. Though some of them may have had a change of heart about Jesus later on in their life, at this point that Jesus forgives them, He is not reconciled to them nor are they reconciled to the Father.

♥ To sum it all up…

→ Mothers: Our children are a gift to us from God, but they do not fully belong to us. It is our responsibility to train up our children in the ways of the Lord, so that when they are old they will not depart from Him. Once they are adults, we give them back to the Lord. He becomes their Father and accountability. Their responsibility is to Him. If we have done our job well, we should not have to constantly be a meddling mother or an interfering mother. If you are a mother who meddles or interferes, I beg you, please stop! I know it must be hard to let go, but you are doing more harm than good to your relationship with your adult child.

→ Daughters: If you are in a manipulative relationship with a parent, please do something about it! This can cause problems in your marriage and problems within your own family that God has given to you! As an adult, you are no longer to obey your parents. Listen to their counsel with an open heart? Yes! Heavily consider their advice? Yes! But there should not be a fear of making your own decisions. You need to be seeking the Lord and His will for your life, not the will of your parents. In the end, you answer to God and no one else for your actions as an adult.

→ “God relates to us in terms of the family unit. It is not by accident that God calls Himself Father and Christ His son. It was the plan and purpose of God from creation to establish the family unit. It is through the lens of family that God chooses to reveal His character to us. As a Father, He protects, He guides, He chastens, He provides, He nurtures, He admonishes, and He loves unconditionally. We are forever His daughters, joint-heirs with His son. Understanding our role as children in our earthly family enables us to better understand our role in our heavenly family.

As adult children, there is a dividing line on what God expects us to do. As grown women no longer under our parent’s authority, we don’t necessarily have to do everything they tell us. We do, however, always, have to honor them.”