Insecurity

Why, as women, do we so often struggle with insecurity? This is what I have been asking myself a lot lately. Maybe it is just because I have been staying home with Leilani without much adult interaction, but I have been feeling very insecure about myself recently and I have been feeling quite friendless. Questions and doubts such as "Why would anyone want to be my friend?" "I'm such a boring person. I don't have anything to offer to anyone." "I'm so untalented and useless. Why are my talents and gifts so hidden while others are so blatantly obvious and visible?" "Why do I always seem to be on the outside of everything looking in?" 
I read a quote in my devotions the other day that really caught my attention. "Our insecurities take control of our intelligent minds and convince us to believe lies about ourselves." This is so true! The more I allow myself to wallow in insecurity the more of my mind it takes over and I continue to think less and less of myself until I have shrunk myself down to a piece of dirt in my head. If I am viewing myself like this how in the world am I going to be able to reflect anything else to the people around me? 
I was encouraged as I read Psalm 139:14. The entire Psalm is awesome and an encouragement every time I read it, but verse 14 says "I will praise thee: for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." Even though I've read this verse a million times in the past, this time it made me realize that God has made me who I am for His good pleasure and He doesn't make mistakes. He has gifted me and provided for me as He sees fit and all I can be is thankful and give Him the praise that He is due. 
"Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created." Revelation 4:11

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Well, it's December which means that Christmas is ALMOST HERE!!! This is my "Most favorite time of the year" (sung to the tune of the most wonderful time of the year). I love everything about Christmas! I love putting up the tree, hanging Christmas lights, decorating the mantle, using the fireplace, driving around and seeing all of the Christmas lights, listening to Christmas music, spending time with family I don't see much during the rest of the year... The list could go on and on! Christmas has always felt like such a magical time of year for me ever since I was little. Probably because in a way it is! Everyone has a different attitude at this time of year. Most people are kinder and more caring and thoughtful. If only we could be this way all year round! 

One thing this year that I am extremely excited about is the fact that this is going to be my first Christmas as a mom (and not to mention my first Christmas married to my husband where I won't be pregnant and still experiencing morning sickness). That being said, I think having a child just makes Christmas all the more exciting! I have had WAY too much fun Christmas shopping for Leilani this year and she isn't even REALLY going to know what's going on. Next year may be a different story. Something about just having her though makes me re-live my childhood memories. I want Leilani's Christmases to be just as special as mine were. Ben and I are not going to make a big deal about Santa, but rather we will tell her the truth about why we celebrate Christmas. We will teach her and share with her that Christmas is about celebrating the birth of the best gift to the entire world, Jesus. In doing this we don't take the "magic" away from Christmas, but we add so much more to it! Christmas is a time to give of ourselves to others and to show our love and appreciation to our families. This is what I am going to teach Leilani. 

Another thing that has been really great this year is that I have completed pretty much all of my Christmas shopping and can sit back and relax and just enjoy the season. I can go to the mall and not feel like I need to fight through lines. Instead, I can step back, look at the decorations and enjoy it all. This year I really just want to soak everything in and relive Christmas as a child. I want my eyes to sparkle and my stomach to get butterflies just thinking about Christmas. If I could sing a little better I might even consider going Christmas caroling! *If anyone CAN sing and would like to Christmas carol, my door is always open to receive you!* :) 

I feel like this post has jumped around a little bit and hasn't exactly flowed so well, but it sort of matches how I feel right now. So many things I'm excited about, so many things I'm thankful for and so many ideas on how to make this Christmas extra special... A Christmas filled with all the love that you could imagine.