Insecurity

Why, as women, do we so often struggle with insecurity? This is what I have been asking myself a lot lately. Maybe it is just because I have been staying home with Leilani without much adult interaction, but I have been feeling very insecure about myself recently and I have been feeling quite friendless. Questions and doubts such as "Why would anyone want to be my friend?" "I'm such a boring person. I don't have anything to offer to anyone." "I'm so untalented and useless. Why are my talents and gifts so hidden while others are so blatantly obvious and visible?" "Why do I always seem to be on the outside of everything looking in?" 
I read a quote in my devotions the other day that really caught my attention. "Our insecurities take control of our intelligent minds and convince us to believe lies about ourselves." This is so true! The more I allow myself to wallow in insecurity the more of my mind it takes over and I continue to think less and less of myself until I have shrunk myself down to a piece of dirt in my head. If I am viewing myself like this how in the world am I going to be able to reflect anything else to the people around me? 
I was encouraged as I read Psalm 139:14. The entire Psalm is awesome and an encouragement every time I read it, but verse 14 says "I will praise thee: for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." Even though I've read this verse a million times in the past, this time it made me realize that God has made me who I am for His good pleasure and He doesn't make mistakes. He has gifted me and provided for me as He sees fit and all I can be is thankful and give Him the praise that He is due. 
"Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created." Revelation 4:11

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Well, it's December which means that Christmas is ALMOST HERE!!! This is my "Most favorite time of the year" (sung to the tune of the most wonderful time of the year). I love everything about Christmas! I love putting up the tree, hanging Christmas lights, decorating the mantle, using the fireplace, driving around and seeing all of the Christmas lights, listening to Christmas music, spending time with family I don't see much during the rest of the year... The list could go on and on! Christmas has always felt like such a magical time of year for me ever since I was little. Probably because in a way it is! Everyone has a different attitude at this time of year. Most people are kinder and more caring and thoughtful. If only we could be this way all year round! 

One thing this year that I am extremely excited about is the fact that this is going to be my first Christmas as a mom (and not to mention my first Christmas married to my husband where I won't be pregnant and still experiencing morning sickness). That being said, I think having a child just makes Christmas all the more exciting! I have had WAY too much fun Christmas shopping for Leilani this year and she isn't even REALLY going to know what's going on. Next year may be a different story. Something about just having her though makes me re-live my childhood memories. I want Leilani's Christmases to be just as special as mine were. Ben and I are not going to make a big deal about Santa, but rather we will tell her the truth about why we celebrate Christmas. We will teach her and share with her that Christmas is about celebrating the birth of the best gift to the entire world, Jesus. In doing this we don't take the "magic" away from Christmas, but we add so much more to it! Christmas is a time to give of ourselves to others and to show our love and appreciation to our families. This is what I am going to teach Leilani. 

Another thing that has been really great this year is that I have completed pretty much all of my Christmas shopping and can sit back and relax and just enjoy the season. I can go to the mall and not feel like I need to fight through lines. Instead, I can step back, look at the decorations and enjoy it all. This year I really just want to soak everything in and relive Christmas as a child. I want my eyes to sparkle and my stomach to get butterflies just thinking about Christmas. If I could sing a little better I might even consider going Christmas caroling! *If anyone CAN sing and would like to Christmas carol, my door is always open to receive you!* :) 

I feel like this post has jumped around a little bit and hasn't exactly flowed so well, but it sort of matches how I feel right now. So many things I'm excited about, so many things I'm thankful for and so many ideas on how to make this Christmas extra special... A Christmas filled with all the love that you could imagine.    

A Wise Woman

I came across this article today and this is the prayer of my heart. I desire to be this woman! I am going to print this out and post it somewhere I will see it daily as a reminder of who I am meant to be, not who the world says I should be.

A wise woman doesn’t take anything for granted. She is thankful to be loved and seeks to make herself more lovely.

A wise woman doesn’t allow herself to be a liability but strives to be an asset to the marriage bond. She looks for ways to make, save, and use money wisely. Her husband knows he is a richer man because she is his wife.

A wise woman seeks to be a part of her husband’s life. His interest becomes her interest. She looks for ways to help him in every endeavor in which he is involved. When he needs a helping hand, it is her hand that is there first.

A wise woman knows that his peace of mind (and sometimes, wise understanding) is something she can give or take away by her observations and conversation concerning circumstances or people. She limits her conversation to the positive.

A wise woman sets a joyful mood in the household. She uses laughter, music and happy times to stir the children to a positive, joyful frame of mind. She knows this light-heartedness helps take stress off her husband.

A wise woman gauges her husband’s needs. She seeks to fulfill his desires before even he is aware of them. She never leaves him daydreaming outside the home. She supplies his every desire.

A wise woman understands that her husband’s need to be honored is not based on his performance but on his position. She learns quickly to defer with enthusiasm to his ideas or plans. She looks for ways to reverence him. She knows this is God’s will for her life.

A wise woman is not pitiful, puny, or whinny. She seeks to be confident, capable and thankful.

A wise woman does not dream of what “could have been.” She sees clearly that she is not God’s gift to men; thus she is blessed in her present circumstances. She learns to be content.

A wise woman never expects anyone to serve her; therefore she is never disappointed. She is ready to help—a giver. By her example her children learn to serve cheerfully and energetically.

A wise woman doesn’t attempt to instruct her husband through feigned questions. Her questions are sincere inquiries concerning his will.

A wise woman is always learning. She is open to change. She is ready to hear. She wants to know. She doesn’t cloud her mind with the foolish folly of entertainment. She uses her time wisely.

Pondering

First of all, I knew this would happen. I already have not been keeping up with this like I would like to. The days just get so busy so quickly! Second of all, Leilani is upstairs going down for a nap and she is talking and cooing to herself and I think it is just the most precious sound ever! I am so blessed that she is able to put herself to sleep on her own. Also, at only 5 months old she is able to play with her toys on her own without me "entertaining" her for sometimes an hour at a time! She is such a good girl. Something I was thinking about today though is that it takes work and consistency! One of my friends commented to me today that it seems Leilani is the "perfect" baby. I would not go as far as to say that, she does have her grumpy moments (like the last hour before bed time). What does the perfect baby consist of in peoples minds though? A baby who stays on a schedule, sleeps through the night consistently, takes consistent naps during the day and can play on her own for a while. The more I thought about it, yes, Leilani DOES do all of these things, but she wouldn't if I didn't train her to. It has taken work teaching her that this is the way things are done. It took a little while to teach her that bed time is bed time and once she's in the crib there's no getting out unless it's for a quick diaper change if she gets stinky. Same thing with nap time. Nap time is nap time, no way around it. Sleeping through the night? When she started sleeping through the night from 9-6 almost every night and then all of a sudden one night decides to wake up at 2 I went in and told her it's still bed time, flipped her over and gave her a kiss goodnight. She put herself back to sleep. Same thing happened a few times and I consistently did the same thing. Did not pick her up, did not give her a bottle, just simply flipped her over in her crib, gave her a kiss and said it's still night night time. Mommy loves you. Goodnight. Now, occasionally I hear her wake up and start moving around at 2 or 3 sometimes even 4 but she almost never cries at these wakings but instead coos to herself for a minute or two and then puts herself back to sleep until her normal feeding time between 6 and 6:30. The only reason that I believe she is consistent in her sleeping is because I am consistent with her in what I expect. Naps are the same way. If she wakes up before I know she's ready, I don't get her up. I go give her a kiss and tell her it's still nappy time and she will then put herself back to sleep. Yes, sometimes there are some tears and crying, but I stand my ground and she always goes back to sleep. Nap time falls within the same small window of time every day. Things are kept consistent. When I do something that is NOT consistent with her schedule, oh boy look out! Grumpy baby time!!! So, to sum that all up, consistency is key! I did not even start this blog with the intent of writing about Leilani but apparently I needed to let all of that out. Now onto the reason I actually started writing today...

In my daily Bible reading I have been having a hard time getting motivated to read lately. You see, I am in the beginning of 1 Chronicles which for the first 9 chapters is mainly one big genealogy. So hard to read through those! It did get me thinking though, how interesting it would be if I knew my genealogy. I wish I had a better listing of my family members past, who I come from, what their stories were. I know that to some extent you can trace back family trees pretty far nowadays, but who has the time or money for that? Definitely not me. Still, I want to know the stories! A lot of times when I think about my family I think Mom and Dad, Grandma and Grandpa, Great Grandparents and for whatever reason that's where it cuts off in my head. Almost like Great Grandma and Grandpa didn't come from a family, but just sort of existed all of a sudden and then came my little world. Seriously though! Who were my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandparents? Where did they live? Where did they come from? How did they meet? What were their family gatherings like around the holidays? How many kids did they have? What did they do for fun? Who were their close friends? How cool would it be to be able to watch a movie or read a book about my family from so many generations ago? These thoughts made my interest in reading through the "boring" genealogies in Chronicles just a little bit more interesting. These have been my ponderings for today...  

Some Thoughts To Ponder (Blog Post #5)

I have been reading through the book "Beautiful In God's Eyes" by Elizabeth George for a little while now. It goes through Proverbs 31 one verse at a time. I just want to share some thoughts that stood out to me from her book that I think are encouraging for any woman who is trying to live a life pleasing to God and to her husband. 

Virtuous is used in the Old Testament to mean able, capable, mighty, strong, valiant, powerful, efficient, wealthy and worthy. Ways that we can daily develop virtuous character in our own lives include:

-Daily reading of God's word - "As you spend time gazing into God's word, the light of His truth brightens your motivation to live your life for His glory."

-Memorize God's word

-Spend time with other women who encourage your spiritual growth

-Read biographies of God's women of faith (ex. Amy Carmichael, Elisabeth Elliott, Edith Schaeffer)

-Focus on today - today is what our tomorrows are made of.

Characteristics of a virtuous woman:

*Pure

*Honest

*Industrious

*Thrifty

*Strong in Character

*Kind

*Wise

*Holy

*Her price is far above rubies

"I am to supply beauty in the lives of my husband and children as we struggle through life together. I am to light up the home with sparkle no matter how hard times are."

"God uses our faithful devotion to Him and our careful attention to His standards day by day, incident by incident, challenge by challenge over a lifetime to flesh out in us His divine beauty, a reflection of His image."

"Any and all of God's beautiful women should be worthy of this description: faithful, true, and constant; a solid rock in terms of her character, her marriage, her family, her relationships, and her ministry."

"She's a rock, but she's also a spring. She's tender, but she's also tough! Prompted by God and empowered by a heart full of His goodness, she bears down, follows through and finishes the task."

"Graced by her love for God, her family, and her home in her heart, she lives a life that overflows with energy, industry, delight and creativity. Her willing heart transforms her approach to even the mundane chores in her home."

"When you serve with a heart of joy, you refresh and revive tired souls and hurting spirits."

This is as far as I have gotten in the book so far but as you can tell, it's AMAZING and it is blessing me so much! Hopefully I will have more to post from it soon. Be encouraged!

Todays Beauty (Blog Post #4)

Today, I found beauty in the amazing colors of fall. The leaves on the trees were stunning as I was driving around today!

A Heart For My Husband (Blog Post #3)

The below poem is something that ministered to me in the past and speaks to me still. It is only through my devotion and relationship with God that I can maintain a marriage that is pleasing to Him. It is by viewing others through Christ's eyes that any relationship is maintained and sustained. When I lose sight of the Lord, my relationships become solely about me. What am I receiving from this person? What is this person doing for me? When I am focused on Jesus my relationship becomes about others. What can I give to bless this person? How can I serve my husband? My friends? My family? In doing this, I bring glory to the Lord and He is able to shine and work through me.

"That I may come near to my husband, draw me nearer to Thee than to him.

That I may know my husband, make me to know Thee more than him.

That I may love my husband with the perfect love of a perfectly whole heart, cause me to love Thee more than him and most of all.

That nothing may be between me and my husband, be Thou between us, every moment.

That we may be constantly together, draw us into separate loneliness with Thyself.

And when we meet breast to breast, O God, let it be upon Thine own."

-Temple Gairdner

Todays Beauty (Blog Post #2)

So, one thing that I thought of that I want to try and do each day is find just one thing from my day that stood out to me as something beautiful. Today, it was a million tiny rain drops reflecting sunlight off the leaves on the trees outside my window. What was beautiful in your day today?

A New Day (Blog Post #1)

So, here I am writing my first entry in my new blog. I don't know why but it makes me kind of nervous. It's almost like the feeling you get  on your first day of work at a new job. There is excitement, butterflies in your stomach, and nerves all working together. I'm sitting here already wondering, am I going to be able to keep up with posting like I want to? Is anyone even going to pay attention to what I share? Do I really even care if anyone reads my posts? I mean, I'm doing this more for me than anyone else right now (I know, selfish, huh?). I guess the best thing to do though is to just jump right in and get started! So wish me luck... Here I go!

"What we selfishly keep for ourselves we eventually lose, but what we give to the Lord, we keep forever." This is a quote that I came across in my Bible today as I was flipping through. I honestly have no idea if this is a quote said by someone else that I wrote down (usually I write down the persons name who said it next to the quote) or if it's something I actually wrote on my own while reading my devotions one day. Either way, this quote stood out and encouraged my heart. With where I am at in life right now, this spoke to me regarding my family. More particularly, my daughter Leilani. Yes, she is only 4 months old right now, but already I see time going by way too quickly. I want to find a way to keep her with me always and protect her from all of the hurt and pain that is out there in the world. Even though she is a gift to me from God, I don't necessarily want to "give her back" to Him. I realize something though... Even though it is a long ways off until she leaves our home one day, I need to start giving her to the Lord now. I need to be in constant prayer for her. Prayer for her soul, that she would one day come to know God and that she would live her life to the fullest for Him. I need to be praying for wisdom on how to raise her to be a Godly young woman who makes wise decisions. I need to be praying for her future spouse that he would know the Lord and that he would be a mighty man of God. I need to be praying for Gods protection over her very life. Every breath is a gift from God. In Him we live and move and have our being. I need to place Leilani in the hands of God to mold and shape as He sees fit and to lead where He would have her to go. May I never be a stumbling block in my daughters life. In giving her completely to the Lord I know that He will take care of her better than I ever could, not that I won't do my best as a parent, because I will! If I raise her simply for my purposes and to make me happy though, one day I will eventually lose her... Something for me to ponder...